please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
