Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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