She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
