Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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