i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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