you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
