Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
