Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's shark week go big or go home
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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