Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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