Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
