You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
