so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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