Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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