By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
