he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
