I'm going to jail i love you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
