I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
