oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
