i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Be still, my beating vagina.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
