I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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