I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
