To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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