Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
