i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
