I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
