Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
