I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
