I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
