We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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