Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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