i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
