I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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