Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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