Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
