is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
