Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
