I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
