Do you still have your period?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
