wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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