The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
