I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
