Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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