did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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