Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
