Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
