I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
