I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
