i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
