Duck Duck Cougar?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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