Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
