This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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