My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
