you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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