We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She told me I should be a condom model.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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