I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
