The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
