I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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