apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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