that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
