I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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