She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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