i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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